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Friday, May 1, 2009

Severe Weather Testing Protocols

I stole these instructions from a colleague but it seems timely for the End of Course Exams our district is doing right now and for the nasty, rainy, stormy weather. Enjoy:

Severe Weather Testing Protocols

1. Should a severe weather situation occur during testing, please
remain calm. To display any kind of anxiety would be a testing
irregularity and must be reported.

2. Please do not look out the window to watch for approaching
tornadoes. You must monitor the students at all times. To do
otherwise would be a testing irregularity and must be reported.

3. Should students notice an approaching tornado and begin to cry,
please make every effort to protect their testing materials from the
flow of tears and sinus drainage.

4. Should a flying object come through your window during testing,
please make every effort to ensure that it does not land on a
testing booklet or an answer sheet. Please make sure to soften the
landing of the flying object so that it will not disturb the
students while testing.

5. Should shards of glass from a broken window come flying into the
room, have the students use their bodies to shield their testing
materials so that they will not be damaged. Have plenty of gauze on
hand to ensure that no one accidentally bleeds on the answer
documents. Damaged answer sheets will not scan properly.

6. Should gale force winds ensue, please have everyone stuff their
test booklets and answer sheets into their shirts...being very
careful not to bend them because bent answer documents will not scan

7. If any student gets sucked into the vortex of the funnel cloud,
please make sure they mark at least one answer before
departing...and of course make sure they leave their answer sheets
and test booklets behind. You will have to account for those.

8. Should a funnel cloud pick you, the test administrator, up and
take you flying over the rainbow, you will still be required to
account for all of your testing materials when you land so please
take extra precautions. Remember, once you have checked them out,
they should never leave your hands.

9. When rescue workers arrive to dig you out of the rubble, please
make sure that they do not, at any time, look at or handle the
testing materials. Once you have been treated for your injuries, you
will still be responsible for checking your materials back in.
Search dogs will not be allowed to sift through the rubble for lost
tests...unless of course they have been through standardized test

10. Please do not pray should a severe weather situation arise.
Your priority is to actively monitor the test; a student might mark
in the wrong section if you are praying instead of monitoring.
Surely God will put war, world hunger, crime, and the presidential
primaries on hold until after testing is over. He knows how
important this test is.

1 comment:

Neabear said...

Crazy rules! Thanks for the laugh.